Keeping it real

Hello again,
I survived the nasty post exercise muscle fatigue and lived to exercise another day. Note to self, must stop catastrophizing (is that even a word?) In fact, was feeling so up and out there, I went for a swim after work today.
Big goal. Big Nang at the local pool. Have put this off for weeks now, because of phobia of someone seeing me, and my cloak of invisibility not working.
But today, I did it.
Got changed in work, so arrived at pool with work clothes over capacious cozzie. Scoured the area, waited for everyone to swim in the other direction, and got the gear off and into the pool in absolute record time. No flabby skin on show for more than a nano second.
Now, when I say swim, I mean head above the water, breast strokeish movements, and 4 minutes to get there and back. I timed myself, like a true professional athlete.
I bought a swim cap, to look the part, and some very cheap goggles, in pink, for that trendy edge, so donned them while hiding bulky frame underwater. I was aiming to do the proper breasty strokey head under water shit, but only did it a couple of times, and then got freaky. I am not a fan of head in the water. So I decided to take off the goggles, and a lens popped out, so pulled them off and shoved them down me front, where they remained for the rest of the swim.
I actually did there and back five times, and its a big pool, so was quite pleased. On both sides were people who can do the front crawling shizzle. They lapped me frequently in their effortless speediness there and back. I really need someone to teach me to do that, but my studies of them today proved that I will have to put my head in the water, and leave it there. Fuck.
So I came home to continue the study on the trusty interwebs. And Chums, I have found the loveliest swim coach on the you tubes. Go and get a load of this wan…….. especially at the beginning when he’s out of the water. Oh Err Missus. All accent and muscles and shit. And he told me not to stress, and three steps and I can do it.

Might have to watch him tomorrow again to make sure I didn’t miss any salient points, or a couple of his muscles 🙂

So, my friends, another goal and another hole in the bucket to fix – Swimmings.

Luckily we have a pool, but its a bit chilly yet.  Soon I shall be able to emulate my new coach in the privacy of my back yard, and not do the walk of shame back to the towel.  That was another disaster.  I couldn’t leap like a young gazelle out of the pool, so had to hold my nose and duck under them lane marker things, and climb up the disabled stairs.  God forgive me, but I limped, just to take the bad look off it.

So another day, and another goal done – and another one discovered.

Tomorrow is personal training day, and group session at the hills.  I’ll take a photo to prove it.

All in all a bloody good day.

Take Care,

BN x

Week Four

Oh my Lord,
the trainer said she was going to up the anti in week four, and I am totally unable to toilet elegantly – again. Circuit tonight – every muscle in my body is aching, and I feel like I have been run over by a Mac truck. Best be a size 10 on waking tomorrow, or will have to rethink.
Actually, I didn’t die, and I am sort of keeping up with the cool kids in the group. I have to carry a towel around, as I melt and sweat and blind myself with nasty sweatiness. But I managed an elderly version of everything, didn’t give up and reached the end.
Need panadol osteo, a magnesium and my bed.
More tomorrow when my hands will reach the keyboard more easily.

BN x


Morning all,
I have become a sugar Nazi. I look for hidden sugar everywhere, and seek it out from packets and containers of processed food. It is one of the foundations of the program I am currently on, and the more I learn, the more I am amazed at how much of the stuff we put away, and how addictive it really is.
If you haven’t already, do yourself a favour and watch “That Sugar Film” available on the website here
Its all about a bloke who is really fit and who eats a load of sugar and nearly kills himself. The twist in the movie, (and its a documentary BTW) is that he only eats “healthy” food. Mostly low fat processed stuff, but the type of food I have been eating for years and wondering why I was so fat. Theres a lot of interesting things about the science and biology of it all, which made a bit of sense to me, even though I paid little attention in science class in school.
There are a heap of other brilliant resources around for quitting sugar, “I quit sugar” is brilliant and has loads of recipes on the website here:

I am now 3 weeks clean 🙂 and it has not been an easy task.  I didn’t really get the cravings, or I thought I didn’t, but I was as cranky as the crankiest person and my fucks to give were few and far between.  But, I stuck it out, and have not eaten processed stuff for a while now.

Since we are all at the beginning of this journey, and in addition to the warning about the language and toilet humour, I feel I should also warn those of a nervous disposition to avert their eyes from the photo content of this blog.  I’m no expert in the photographing, but my iPhone is.  However, my iPhone is yet to tell me how to edit stuff, so nothing will be photoshopped. It will all be honest to God, as it happens in my kitchen.

This morning, I made poached eggs, proper poached like proper cooks do with the boiling water, the vinegar and the leap of faith before you pour in the egg.  They tasted lovely, but the yolks cooked a fair way from the whites in the pot, and they came out looking like male genitalia. Still, I wrapped them up and threw them on the plate.


So there you are, real photos of real food and real problems with the cheffing shizzle.

There will be more of this, be warned 🙂

That’s all for now folks,
Talk soon,
Take care,BN x


This blog is all about my thoughts, experiences and things I will find out about transforming your life after you hit 50. I don’t expect it to be easy, but it better be fun!!
Over the next weeks, I will share the good, the bad and the downright ugly bits of this journey, which will hopefully lead me to bucket list items such as triathlon and running very far.
These are major goals, I can tell you, considering the starting point is a mild shuffle between two lamp posts in the street before collapsing in a snivelling gasping heap. And I cant swim. Well, I can, but its head above water doggy paddle at best, and I hate water. And I haven’t been on a bike on the road since 1984, and when I got off it, my legs wouldn’t work and my nether regions were numb for a month. Apart from that, I reckon I’ll be really good at it.
To assist me in this journey to health and mind-blowingly stupid bucket list items, I have joined a local 9 week programme of group fitness, healthy eating advice and personal training. It’s fucking mad. There are all ages and all sizes in the group, and many are on their second or third program, because its so good. And it is. But I tell you, its fucking mad.
Boxing Monday, circuits Wednesday, hills Friday and a sport like soccer or hockey on Saturdays, plus a personal training session somewhere in the mix. For two Sundays in a row I have been unable to move off the couch, or wipe my arse without pain.
Places where I had no idea you had muscles are crying in anguish when I move, and some when I don’t move. The toilet seat appears to have lowered itself to a point where I am unable to gracefully place my buttocks thereon, instead having to drop from a great height, threatening to crash through the floor because there is only so far my quads (I learned that this week when they wouldn’t work – they’re the big ass muscles on front of your legs) will carry me down. My arms are mostly useless at feeding myself, and totally unable to hang out washing without hanging periodically from the line for a rest.
But, the strangest thing of all – I absolutely LOVE it.
The others in the group are really supportive, despite their functioning quads, and no doubt effortless toileting. And at the end of only three weeks of this torture – I am seeing and feeling a difference.
Last night I walked up a hill without stopping. I huffed and puffed and could not have blown a house down, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, and I fucking made it.
And, I put on a pair of pants today that are normally tight, and they weren’t.
And, a big boss at work who has been off for a couple of weeks asked me if I had lost weight. I nearly crash tackled him for hugs.
I will fill you in on my previous history of exercise at a later date, but to cut a long story short- it normally ends in surgery. Dodgy knees.
This time, I have taken it easy, strengthened all up, and haven’t really run or done anything stupid – yet.
So another huge goal smashed, is that I am three weeks in and without injury. (Races around to touch wood many times).
I have also given up sugar, but that little nightmare deserves a post all to itself. In fact many posts. My children are sick listening to me about how much sugar is in this and that, and are thanking many Gods each day that they no longer live with me.
So welcome to Big Nangs bucket, which as you can see is full of cheap toilet jokes and foul language. Pretty much like my life.
Take care, talk soon,