Yup, Did not finish.

ITs taken me three weeks to even be able to write it, because I really still cant believe it.

Not only did not finish, but practically did not start.  Slipped in a heap of mud on the way into the water, stuffed up knee and had to be rescued.

Have orthopaedic appointment next week and MRI and shit, so will know more.

Don’t know whats worse, the shame or the pain.

I think I might use this blog more often, just for day to day musings and other shizzle thats going on in my mad head.

In the words of another – I’ll be back.

Talk soon,

BN xx


Arthur Itis, where have you gone?

Afternoon Chums,


I may have mentioned before that I have I had arthritis.  Five knee surgeries, pain and bony nastiness in my fingers, and it was spreading to my shoulders and elbows.  I was on constant pain relief and sometimes strong anti inflammatories as well.

Well, a strange thing has happened since I took up all this healthy living malarkey. Arthur has gone.  Not completely gone, but minimal pain in the fingers, and the rest of the old joints are young again. No more Arthur Itis.

So how did this happen? Can’t say for sure if it was one thing, or a combination, but here are the things I believe have done it, and how you can too.

Of course, I’m no expert, so I cannot guarantee that this will work for you too, but shit – its worth a go!!

  1. Stop eating crap.

If its in a packet – don’t buy it or eat it.  This basic advice saves scouring the shelves for “healthy” alternatives and reading ingredient lists in supermarket aisles.  A little bit of research will show you that the crap thats in this food is not a good option.  Most of it is man made, mass produced and stuff like flavourings are a long long way down the food chain from the original article. Don’t waste your time or money.

If its packaged, forget it.

2.  Stop eating sugar.

I know, another negative, but processed refined sugar is really the same as item 1.  Its in a packet so forget it. Sugar does so much harm to your body its not even funny, and has been proven to increase the bodies inflammatory processes. You can find out the truth about sugar here: https://iquitsugar.com/

3.  Eat not the wheat.

For me – this is the hardest thing to do. I love bread, pasta tortillas etc etc, and the alternatives have been hard to find, but so well worth it.

I can honestly say, in my experience, this is the one immediate thing that I can see and feel a difference with.  If I have a bowl of spaghetti, or tacos or something with wheat, I will suffer the very next day.  Not only bloating and gut problems, but my joints will be crying at me to stop.

There are heaps of proper research articles on this, and its all about the protein in wheat and how it effects your gut.  This particular article is simple to read, and says it all:


4.  Eat real food.

So if you cant eat it out of a packet – make it yourself.  Fresh food is the best – but you already knew that, didn’t you…….

Its not that hard, not that boring, and really quite fun once you get into the way of it.  I do a reasonably sized cook up once a week, and always make more than I need, so I have leftovers. I keep the cut off parts of veggies when I prepare them, and boil the shit out of them with either the carcass from a roast chicken, or soup bones, or just some herbs to make stock to flavour later meals.  This gets frozen, so its just as easy as a stock cube, and gives heaps more flavour. Minimal effort, maximum gain.

5. Exercise.

Another no brainer, but its essential.  Really really essential.  Theres nothing as bad as immobile joints, left sitting in a chair for years on end and then trying to get the buggers going again. I know, I’ve stopped and started exercise so many times, but not this time – this time is for life.  Even if all you can muster is a wee wander around the yard, or up and down the driveway, lace up those shoes and do it.  Push it a little more each time, and trust me, you will feel the difference.  You will feel better, and by God, you will look better, and who doesn’t want that!!

If you need any further encouragement, I can highly recommend this website, and associated books. No they don’t pay me, you realise its just the two of us here, right?  No one reads this shit but me lol!!

The younger next year for wimmin is really funny, and tells it like it is. You can grow old slowly and nastily, or you can be younger next year.  Thats about it.  Check it out here: http://youngernextyear.com/

Over the next few weeks I’ll share some of my tips and tricks for getting the most out of your food – how to cook up a storm and not use packets, and more about healing your gut. My new research topic.

Cheers for now,

BN xx


Stacked but still here.

Well chums, it had to happen. 

I stacked the bike. Shameful on many levels- none the least because I was doing zero kilometers per hour and it was right outside my front door. And luckily it was early in the morning, and hopefully the neighbours didn’t see it. 

Warning- graphic nasty knee photo coming…..

Fucked on many levels.

Those of you who don’t vomit at the sight of a glorious leg may note that this particular knee has previous scars. $10,000 worth of scars. (Thanks private health care). I had a MACI- which is where they take cells, grow them in a laboratory and implant them back. They don’t do it in Australia any more- but it was great for me. So- I landed very heavily on said knee this morning. It’s sore, but hopefully no lasting damage. 

What a stupid old trout I am.

Just to clarify- my new trainers got stuck in the cage of the pedals- (I haven’t yet got to cleats and proper pedals for fear of falling). And wtf- So after this- cleats it is…. hehehehehe. Why the fuck not. May as well fall over for good reason. 

I also put out my hand to ease the fall- and now my shoulder and entire left side is fecking sore too. Bollocks.

  • And in case your concerned (as inspector gadget was) the bike is fine. Not a scratch. 

It was a brilliant ride too- bit windy- but lovely. 

In response to said stupid fall- I have confirmed that I will cycle 20km in a corporate team tri in a couple of weeks.

Fuck you pedals. You’re not the boss of me.

I’m away to have pain meds and beds

Take care

BN xx

Happy New Year

Good afternoon chums,

A few thoughts as I’m lying here in a large sugar fuelled heap, this first day of the new year.  I’m not a fan of the all or nothing new years resolution, which, had I been arsed to make one, would have gone as quickly as my resolve not to have a can of soft drink to assuage my hangover.

I’ve drunk way too much alcohol this Christmas, ate way too many puddins and had an absolute bloody ball doing it.

This photo is my all. The smiles, the laughs- the tongs!!!!!

No regrets about over indulgence, no regrets about spoiling these beauties and no regrets about how 2016 was spent.

This year is mine.  It is the year I will tick off a number of goals, and complete my first, and hopefully first of several, triathlons. Its the year when I will kick sugar to the kerb, and be the best version of me that I can muster.

Happy New Year to you all.  I hope all your wishes come true, that you have no regrets – ever- and your bucket lists shorten each day.

Take care,

BN xx

Mortality and the middle aged woman.

So, chums, a quick quiz. What do Lucille Ball, George C Scott, John Ritter, Albert Einstein, many many more famous folk, and my grandfather have in common?

They all died from Aortic Aneurysm rupture. Not a pleasant way to go but quick, sudden and almost always without warning or prior detection. It’s where the walls of the main artery leaving the heart is enlarged to the point of bursting, and when it blows, theres not much that can be done, unless a crack team of cardiothoracic surgeons are standing by.

More here:

So you can imagine my delight when after having high blood pressure, the doctor suggested an echocardiogram. Thats an up close and personal kind of procedure at the best of times, but when the operator says your aorta looks on the big side, whilst practically straddling you, I’m sure the poor soul felt my horror first hand.
I remembered straight away my grandmother telling me how my grandad had died suddenly from an aneurism, and he was only in his fifties. He never got to see my mum get married, or meet any of his grand kids. The horror I felt was real. Same age as me, and now I have the same thing……
Thus began a nightmare four weeks. Every burp or slight indigestion pain was of course the aneurism resecting, and my last few minutes on this mortal coil. Every muscle pain or cramp was the grim reaper calling me up. And Dr Google refused to take my calls. his search engines were jammed with me looking up all possible cures, causes and consequences, none of which were terribly favourable.
So I decided to get a decent GP and talk through it. He was very nice but non committal and referred me to a cardiologist. The very thought – I don’t need/want a cardiologist – I have bucket lists to conquer, not buckets to kick. So I waited for an appointment in the Godforsaken desert location I live in, and none came. So I called his rooms and went privately.
Dr Bejasus (or something like that) was just lovely. Listened intently to my ramblings about death from wind pain, and my impending mortality fears, looked me straight in the eye and said “you’re not going to die”.
Dr Bejasus, I love you dearly. He went on to tell me that my measly 4.1 cm enlargement was nothing to worry about, we just need to keep the blood pressure down and all shall be well. His golden rule for panic and scalpel wielding is 5.5 cm. Obviously we have no idea how quick, if at all, mine will/is growing, but by all accounts I have a while longer to torture my nearest and dearest.
There were a few more high points to the consultation:
1. He didn’t laugh when I told him I was training for a triathlon. In fact he said competitive and even olympic athletes have been known to have low level aortic enlargement.
2. He practically begged me to continue training!!
3. He reckons that since I’ve lost 7 kilos and train 5 – 6 days per week, it has saved me from having two new medications being prescribed- I wont need beta blockers or cholesterol meds
4. He is dropping my blood pressure tablets back to a more suitable dose for those athletic types like me!!!!

So there it is. A brush with my mortality, many tears, and ultimately more resolve to continue this journey.

Sorry for not updating sooner, but I wouldn’t have been my normal witty self, and refuse to use this log to moan and whine!!

So, I have signed up for another 9 weeks with my trainers.  I hope they will take me back once I tell them about these developments, but even if not, I am still aiming for the Dirt and Dust in early April.

Stay tuned, this is going to get even more exciting, not there are higher stakes – I have to exercise or its more medication for me. And I’m more determined to share and spread the word that anything is possible, and age is just a number.

Take Care

BN xx

Water water everywhere

My swim training with the lovely French man on the interwebs is progressing well. I could watch him for hours, so I’m studying really hard. Practical application of his advice, however – not so hot.
I wonder can you do a triathalon with floaties?? I can see it now. I could market some flash Nike floaties, with perhaps matching vest with additional optional buoyancy aids for open water swims. I’d be dead cool and all athletic n shit.
So anyhoo, I was in our pool yesterday for the first time this summer because it was 40 degrees and boiling hot. I had me new cap and goggles on (probs looked like a dick) and in I hopped.
Nice man said, just push off put your head in and blow ze boobles. I had a panic attack. spluttered that much I’m sure the neighbours thought I was drowning.
But, several goes later, I managed to blow ze boobles and kick ze legs and my head was fully under the water. I did use a float, but you can expect miracles the first time.
Got water in me ears, and was very unsettled, but I did it. I also watched another you tubing film about relaxing in the water and turning ones arse from side to side. Well, that was a debacle, large woman in silly hat and goggles, quoting a french man lolloping from side to side in ze pool, all the time thinking about drowning.
So I spoke to my coach tonight about it. She just did the Noosa triathlon yesterday, and is my absolute hero. Such a lovely, kind person, who took the time to guide me, even though there were others there, for a group session.
Her advice was to write down two things I dont like about water, and two things I do like, and to shift my thinking from the bad things to the good things.
So, here tis:
Dont likes.
1. its claustrophobic when your surrounded by the water
2. It goes in your ears and wont come out
3. it goes up your nose and feels nasty.
(ok that was 3, but we are talking phobia here)
and – I think I wont be able to breathe and will choke on the water and drown. Nothing dramatic or anything……..
Do likes.
1. Its cool in summer
2. its nice to be buoyant and to float and feel the water lift you up
3.I like the feeling of moving through the water (with head up) the way the water feels on your hands and against your legs and feet.
4. It will help me get my goal of a triathlon.
Four – see, this stuff is good 🙂
So now I will concentrate on thinking about the good stuff, forget the bad stuff, and buy a cheap snorkel. That was her next idea, swim with head in water but with snorkel. Look out neighbours, the best is yet to come……….


Talk soon,

BN x

Keeping it real

Hello again,
I survived the nasty post exercise muscle fatigue and lived to exercise another day. Note to self, must stop catastrophizing (is that even a word?) In fact, was feeling so up and out there, I went for a swim after work today.
Big goal. Big Nang at the local pool. Have put this off for weeks now, because of phobia of someone seeing me, and my cloak of invisibility not working.
But today, I did it.
Got changed in work, so arrived at pool with work clothes over capacious cozzie. Scoured the area, waited for everyone to swim in the other direction, and got the gear off and into the pool in absolute record time. No flabby skin on show for more than a nano second.
Now, when I say swim, I mean head above the water, breast strokeish movements, and 4 minutes to get there and back. I timed myself, like a true professional athlete.
I bought a swim cap, to look the part, and some very cheap goggles, in pink, for that trendy edge, so donned them while hiding bulky frame underwater. I was aiming to do the proper breasty strokey head under water shit, but only did it a couple of times, and then got freaky. I am not a fan of head in the water. So I decided to take off the goggles, and a lens popped out, so pulled them off and shoved them down me front, where they remained for the rest of the swim.
I actually did there and back five times, and its a big pool, so was quite pleased. On both sides were people who can do the front crawling shizzle. They lapped me frequently in their effortless speediness there and back. I really need someone to teach me to do that, but my studies of them today proved that I will have to put my head in the water, and leave it there. Fuck.
So I came home to continue the study on the trusty interwebs. And Chums, I have found the loveliest swim coach on the you tubes. Go and get a load of this wan……..https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXgh56kisTg especially at the beginning when he’s out of the water. Oh Err Missus. All accent and muscles and shit. And he told me not to stress, and three steps and I can do it.

Might have to watch him tomorrow again to make sure I didn’t miss any salient points, or a couple of his muscles 🙂

So, my friends, another goal and another hole in the bucket to fix – Swimmings.

Luckily we have a pool, but its a bit chilly yet.  Soon I shall be able to emulate my new coach in the privacy of my back yard, and not do the walk of shame back to the towel.  That was another disaster.  I couldn’t leap like a young gazelle out of the pool, so had to hold my nose and duck under them lane marker things, and climb up the disabled stairs.  God forgive me, but I limped, just to take the bad look off it.

So another day, and another goal done – and another one discovered.

Tomorrow is personal training day, and group session at the hills.  I’ll take a photo to prove it.

All in all a bloody good day.

Take Care,

BN x

Week Four

Oh my Lord,
the trainer said she was going to up the anti in week four, and I am totally unable to toilet elegantly – again. Circuit tonight – every muscle in my body is aching, and I feel like I have been run over by a Mac truck. Best be a size 10 on waking tomorrow, or will have to rethink.
Actually, I didn’t die, and I am sort of keeping up with the cool kids in the group. I have to carry a towel around, as I melt and sweat and blind myself with nasty sweatiness. But I managed an elderly version of everything, didn’t give up and reached the end.
Need panadol osteo, a magnesium and my bed.
More tomorrow when my hands will reach the keyboard more easily.

BN x