Someone’s got to be last.

Evening chums,

Today I completed my first Triathlon.  Just an enticer distance, but I did it. Can’t say it was as enjoyable as I had anticipated, but its done.

The swim was in the lake, in which some kids told us just before the race had a nearby crocodile (no joke, but only a “freshie” so no danger).  The lake water is also nasty and green and sludgy, with big weeds.I mean Harry Potter type tendrils that threaten to come up and suck you into the water.

I near shit my tri suit. Got into the water, started swimming and the weeds took over.  I had already planned to breaststroke the distance because I didn’t want additional stress of breathing etc, but when the weeds hit, I couldn’t fucking breathe anyway.  It was only 300m, so should have been easy, but I coudn’t get my breath, struggled really badly and was last out of the water. My beautiful coach had entere to support her son, whose first tri this was too, and ended up swimming, looking back at us stragglers, trying to help us out.  There was also a lovely lady on a paddle board, who stayed with me the whole way.  I think she thought I might actually drown!! So did I when the tendrils of the weed tried to pull me under.

Transition was good, I had all my shit set out, and did it all properly like I had practiced.  and off I went on the bike, my favourite.

Well, even that was a struggle – I still was gasping for air, with a killer headache, and it wasn’t until half way that I even felt normal. My head was telling me “what the fuck are you doing her” and “Julia Creek can go and get fucked”

Then, when I settled, I powered on through the ride, and actually passed a couple of people, and really quite enjoyed it.

Transition was good, I got off the bike unaided, and walked it back in.  But – when I tried to run, no fucking way were my legs doing it.  It was uphill, but I really couldn’t do it. Poor coach was there trying to get me to do small intervals, but it wasn’t happening. My legs were like jelly, and I couldn’t breathe.  So I walked most of it, and got overtaken by those I had passed earlier.

So chums, someone had to be last, and it was me.

I am pissed of at myself, because I was last, and am desperately trying to pull myself from the quitting notions that are upon me.

SO here is the list of positives to help me:

I swam through killer weed infested waters

I swam in deep water, which freaks me and I don’t do.

I swam in a lake, which I have never done before

I did a pretty smooth transition

The bike leg went really well, and apart from trouble breathing, I had no bother

I finished the race

I am 54 years of age, and 6 months ago could not have contemplated doing even one of those legs

Someone had to come last.

Thats all for now, while I contemplate my athletic future.

 

Talk soon,

BNxx

 

 

Triathlon fever

Well chums, who would have thought- I’ve been bitten by the bug and have triathlon fever, big time!

Today was my first taste- a corporate tri, where I did the bike leg with these wonderful people

It was hard – very, very hard.  Probs the hardest thing I have ever done. 35 degrees, raging humidity, considering we are in the desert, and a fecking head wind on the way home that would have cleaved corn, as my mother would have said.  And hilly, bloody hilly bike leg.  I vomited twice. yup, had to stop the bike, and hurl at the side of the road.  How charming. my legs were like jelly, and my lungs still are not right, but, guess what – I fucking did it.  20km, done.

The home leg was seriously awful, but once I smelt the sausage sizzle from about 1km out, this fat girl was all but home.  When I finished, it was far from pretty.  I truly didn’t have the energy left to get off the bike, and had some help from my coach, who was also a steward. Then it was all down hill, into transition, and all done.

I could barely breathe, and felt really sick, but a lovely lady gave me some lemonade (she had vomited too:)) and I felt heaps better.  I cant tell you the feeling when so many of my team were cheering me on, and I heard my voice announced that I had done my leg – It was brilliant. I have been so bitten by the bug, thanks to these wonderful people

The best coach in the world is on the left of the photo.  She not only did the run leg for one team, but saw my team’s runner was suffering so ran another lap with her. She is a truly wonderful human, and I am so blessed to have met her.

This mob are the very best, and I will be training with them for the next nine weeks to get to the point where I can do my very own sprint distance by myself.

I apologies If I am not so full of my witty repartee this evening, but I am totally buggered. In the best possible way.

Bitten by the bug chums, bitten 🙂

Talk soon,

BN xx

Blessings.

Evening Chums,

Today, I was reminded of how blessed I am, in many ways.  Blessings are not just a religious thing, and God alone knows I am not religious in any way, shape or form.  Blessings come in many ways, and many situations, and often when you’re not expecting anything.

As you may have gathered, my aim is to complete the Dirt and Dust sprint triathlon in Julia Creek, on April 7.  Google the fuck out of that chums – arsehole of nowhere, dirty, dusty and hot. And you also may have gathered that I have been a part of Vitalize Fitness program for the past number of weeks. I have loved the program, and what it has done for me, and how the coaching has lifted me to believe I am capable of so much more.

Today I woke to a very special gift.  My coach has written me a specific program to get my fat aged ass over the finishing line in 10 weeks time.  I didn’t ask her to do it, I didn’t pay or sign up for such an individual program, but she did it, and I am truly truly grateful. She is such a special human being, and is so involved in everything all of her clients do.  This woman has changed my life, and now keeps giving. I cannot express my gratitude.

Some day, I will pay it back.  I think it may be to encourage other over 50’s fat lonely souls, like me, to get up, get active and go for goals that others laugh at. I really need to give back.  Vicki will never take anything in return, for herself, she’s just not like that,  but I will be there for this woman, no matter what.  I will fundraise for her, I will support her, and I will sing her praises from the rooftops.

Vicki Nicholson, you have changed me in ways you will never, ever know.  You have selflessly given to others and continue to do so every day, and for that, I applaud you. I am truly blessed, in all ways, to have met you, and to be a part of your wonderful program.  Thank you for being you, and thank you for what you have done, and continue to do for me and all the others. And thank you Craig, your wonderful husband, for pushing me, supporting me, making me vomit, and always being there.  I will make you cry like never before, on April 7.

Tomorrow, the serious training begins.  I will not let this wonderful woman down, or her wonderful husband.  I will succeed for once in my life, and I will make a lot of people proud.

Tonight, I cannot count my blessings, there are too many.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Talk soon, BNxx

 

 

Spinning around

Evening chums,

well, another day of stepping outside the comfort zone and advancing in the old fitness shizzle. My coach has a spinning class every Tuesday at the ungodly hour of 530am, and today I did it.  I actually set the alrm, got up, and went to the gym

Now, If you have never done an RPM class, I can highly recommend it.  It was just brilliant.  Its all loud music and turning up the resistance of the bike, but basically its you v. bike.  The coach will never know if you cranked it up as much as she did, but you can pace it to not die half way through.

The last time I did one of these classes, me missy bum was numb for a week, but, with the benefit of added padding in the cycling pants, I am pleased to report I still have full feeling in me bits.

Seriously, if your looking for a gym class that you can do at your own pace (its dark in there, so no one can see you cry….) give it a go.

And, I didn’t fall off. Handy that, given recent form on two wheels 🙂

Very happy I did it, and very happy that the journey continues, despite sore and grazed knees.

Talk soon,

Take care,

BN xx

Tri, Tri Tri again

Evening all,

This was to be a triathlon training update, but……I can say “evening all” now because I have gone viral.  Well, viral for me, one visitor.  Thank you, whoever you are for visiting, and making my entire year thus far.  ONE VISIT. Fucking YAY!! Hope you are staying tuned, because its just me and thee…..

Anyhoo, back at Dirty Dusty triathlon training HQ (any other new folk may need to rewind and realise that despite the witty repartee, there is a serious (Feck) triathlon training shizzle happening behind all this humour and all round lovely blogness.

Today was this

Every time I do this, I fail miserably. Well, only at the freestyle head turning and not drowning thang. I can do the breasting stroke beautifully, but slowly, and have real trouble breathing with the crawling malarky. SO I came home all pissed off and unsure of whether I will even continue etc etc.

But do you know what chums?  This time I wont give up.  I reckon its going to be a bit like this

Loads of people and weedy, dirty, nasty water, where no one will notice me breast stroking slowly along.

I’m doing this for me.  Not a medal, not to win. For me.  Just to finish and the accomplishment of something huge. So I’m not getting disheartened, just carrying on with the training.

And the feckers had best be getting out of my way when I get on the bike. Seriously, I will run over them. It shall be my best leg, and I will go like the clappers of shite to make up time 🙂

In other news, I have been cooking up a storm of healthy foods today, and will continue tomorrow.  Will take some self indulgent photos to show you all (well, just the one of you). Its back to work on Monday, so need to be prepared.

So, all in all, another great day, except for the swimmings, but nothing that can’t be fixed.  Off to beds now, one more day of holidays, and hopefully a big ride on the bike.

Talk soon,

Take care,BN xx

Heal thyself

Afternoon chums,

back in the training zone today, with a bit of a shuffle round the streets this morning.  Was quite happy with my fitness, and although it was as hot as hell, it was great to be out “running” again.  Shite pace, and could have been overtaken at any time by old folk on wheeled walkers, but I was out and doing it, which is something.  Only 94 days till Dirt and Dust, so every little shuffle counts.

The remainder of my day has been spent trying to get back on the healthy eating bandwagon, after a sugar and alcohol fuelled Christmas.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, I am obsessed with quitting sugar, and eating real food, and today have been blown away by my new book Simplicious by Sarah Wilson.http://sarahwilson.com

Its just the best thing I think I have ever read.  Its not only about eating real, healthy food, but about not wasting anything, and using all the leftovers, so you get into a vibe of making your own stocks and bits and pieces for awesome nutritious meals. Honestly, it is such a good read, and I’m only at page 54 🙂

Do yourself a favour and buy it here:  https://store.iquitsugar.com/

It really has inspired me to eat more sustainably as well as healthily, so I will chuck in some foodie posts for your delectation as I get good at it.

Its also made me very interested in the concept of healing through food.  It really seems to be medicinal. I can only speak from my own experience, but being off sugar has made the arthritis symptoms heaps better, and I really noticed a difference when I did have some chocolate and treats at Christmas. It was back to pass the walking frame, rather than train for a tri.

Anyway, I’m researching frantically into why this shit works, and will pass on my musings soon.

Meantime, take care

BN xx

Mortality and the middle aged woman.

So, chums, a quick quiz. What do Lucille Ball, George C Scott, John Ritter, Albert Einstein, many many more famous folk, and my grandfather have in common?

They all died from Aortic Aneurysm rupture. Not a pleasant way to go but quick, sudden and almost always without warning or prior detection. It’s where the walls of the main artery leaving the heart is enlarged to the point of bursting, and when it blows, theres not much that can be done, unless a crack team of cardiothoracic surgeons are standing by.

More here:

http://atelier-drachenhaus.de/aortic-aneurysm-location
So you can imagine my delight when after having high blood pressure, the doctor suggested an echocardiogram. Thats an up close and personal kind of procedure at the best of times, but when the operator says your aorta looks on the big side, whilst practically straddling you, I’m sure the poor soul felt my horror first hand.
I remembered straight away my grandmother telling me how my grandad had died suddenly from an aneurism, and he was only in his fifties. He never got to see my mum get married, or meet any of his grand kids. The horror I felt was real. Same age as me, and now I have the same thing……
Thus began a nightmare four weeks. Every burp or slight indigestion pain was of course the aneurism resecting, and my last few minutes on this mortal coil. Every muscle pain or cramp was the grim reaper calling me up. And Dr Google refused to take my calls. his search engines were jammed with me looking up all possible cures, causes and consequences, none of which were terribly favourable.
So I decided to get a decent GP and talk through it. He was very nice but non committal and referred me to a cardiologist. The very thought – I don’t need/want a cardiologist – I have bucket lists to conquer, not buckets to kick. So I waited for an appointment in the Godforsaken desert location I live in, and none came. So I called his rooms and went privately.
Dr Bejasus (or something like that) was just lovely. Listened intently to my ramblings about death from wind pain, and my impending mortality fears, looked me straight in the eye and said “you’re not going to die”.
THANK FUCK.
Dr Bejasus, I love you dearly. He went on to tell me that my measly 4.1 cm enlargement was nothing to worry about, we just need to keep the blood pressure down and all shall be well. His golden rule for panic and scalpel wielding is 5.5 cm. Obviously we have no idea how quick, if at all, mine will/is growing, but by all accounts I have a while longer to torture my nearest and dearest.
There were a few more high points to the consultation:
1. He didn’t laugh when I told him I was training for a triathlon. In fact he said competitive and even olympic athletes have been known to have low level aortic enlargement.
2. He practically begged me to continue training!!
3. He reckons that since I’ve lost 7 kilos and train 5 – 6 days per week, it has saved me from having two new medications being prescribed- I wont need beta blockers or cholesterol meds
4. He is dropping my blood pressure tablets back to a more suitable dose for those athletic types like me!!!!

So there it is. A brush with my mortality, many tears, and ultimately more resolve to continue this journey.

Sorry for not updating sooner, but I wouldn’t have been my normal witty self, and refuse to use this log to moan and whine!!

So, I have signed up for another 9 weeks with my trainers.  I hope they will take me back once I tell them about these developments, but even if not, I am still aiming for the Dirt and Dust in early April.

Stay tuned, this is going to get even more exciting, not there are higher stakes – I have to exercise or its more medication for me. And I’m more determined to share and spread the word that anything is possible, and age is just a number.

Take Care

BN xx

Week Four

Oh my Lord,
the trainer said she was going to up the anti in week four, and I am totally unable to toilet elegantly – again. Circuit tonight – every muscle in my body is aching, and I feel like I have been run over by a Mac truck. Best be a size 10 on waking tomorrow, or will have to rethink.
Actually, I didn’t die, and I am sort of keeping up with the cool kids in the group. I have to carry a towel around, as I melt and sweat and blind myself with nasty sweatiness. But I managed an elderly version of everything, didn’t give up and reached the end.
Need panadol osteo, a magnesium and my bed.
More tomorrow when my hands will reach the keyboard more easily.

BN x

Hello

This blog is all about my thoughts, experiences and things I will find out about transforming your life after you hit 50. I don’t expect it to be easy, but it better be fun!!
Over the next weeks, I will share the good, the bad and the downright ugly bits of this journey, which will hopefully lead me to bucket list items such as triathlon and running very far.
These are major goals, I can tell you, considering the starting point is a mild shuffle between two lamp posts in the street before collapsing in a snivelling gasping heap. And I cant swim. Well, I can, but its head above water doggy paddle at best, and I hate water. And I haven’t been on a bike on the road since 1984, and when I got off it, my legs wouldn’t work and my nether regions were numb for a month. Apart from that, I reckon I’ll be really good at it.
To assist me in this journey to health and mind-blowingly stupid bucket list items, I have joined a local 9 week programme of group fitness, healthy eating advice and personal training. It’s fucking mad. There are all ages and all sizes in the group, and many are on their second or third program, because its so good. And it is. But I tell you, its fucking mad.
Boxing Monday, circuits Wednesday, hills Friday and a sport like soccer or hockey on Saturdays, plus a personal training session somewhere in the mix. For two Sundays in a row I have been unable to move off the couch, or wipe my arse without pain.
Places where I had no idea you had muscles are crying in anguish when I move, and some when I don’t move. The toilet seat appears to have lowered itself to a point where I am unable to gracefully place my buttocks thereon, instead having to drop from a great height, threatening to crash through the floor because there is only so far my quads (I learned that this week when they wouldn’t work – they’re the big ass muscles on front of your legs) will carry me down. My arms are mostly useless at feeding myself, and totally unable to hang out washing without hanging periodically from the line for a rest.
But, the strangest thing of all – I absolutely LOVE it.
The others in the group are really supportive, despite their functioning quads, and no doubt effortless toileting. And at the end of only three weeks of this torture – I am seeing and feeling a difference.
Last night I walked up a hill without stopping. I huffed and puffed and could not have blown a house down, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, and I fucking made it.
And, I put on a pair of pants today that are normally tight, and they weren’t.
And, a big boss at work who has been off for a couple of weeks asked me if I had lost weight. I nearly crash tackled him for hugs.
I will fill you in on my previous history of exercise at a later date, but to cut a long story short- it normally ends in surgery. Dodgy knees.
This time, I have taken it easy, strengthened all up, and haven’t really run or done anything stupid – yet.
So another huge goal smashed, is that I am three weeks in and without injury. (Races around to touch wood many times).
I have also given up sugar, but that little nightmare deserves a post all to itself. In fact many posts. My children are sick listening to me about how much sugar is in this and that, and are thanking many Gods each day that they no longer live with me.
So welcome to Big Nangs bucket, which as you can see is full of cheap toilet jokes and foul language. Pretty much like my life.
Take care, talk soon,
BN.